Fwd: Very cute even guy's can read it!!

I receive a copy of all the e-mail my children get in their accounts. (My kids are quite aware of this, and every once in a while need to remind their friends of that fact.) My girls (pre- and early-teens) receive these endlessly-forwarded messages containing words of (supposed) wisdom for how girls and boys should relate to each other. The messages are horrible amalgamations of sappy sentimentality, really bad advice on communication, inappropriate suggestions, and misleading descriptions of what boys and girls "really" mean when they say something. The whole package is expressed with poor grammar and bad spelling, and often ends with a threat of endless heartache if it is not immediately forwarded to all of the reader's friends.

Seeing how popular these message appear to be, I can see both why women's magazines are so popular and why so many people seem to have a hard time forming stable, loving relationships. It is enough to make a father sigh.

Well, last night when another one of these came through the inbox (its subject is the title of this post), something in me snapped and I produced the following. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed mocking it.

The normal text is the original message. My additions are in italics, with the original text in strike-through where I thought appropriate.

When a Girl is quiet ... millions of things are running in her mind.

she is wondering what's for lunch.

When a Girl is not arguing ... she is thinking deeply.

Those are your only two choices: deep thought or arguing. Deal with it.

When a Girl looks at u with eyes full of questions ... she is wondering how long you will be around.

if she should tell you about the piece of spinach stuck between your teeth.

When a Girl answers ' I'm fine ' after a few seconds ... she is not at all fine.

When a Girl answers "I'm not fine," after a few seconds .. she is not at all fine.

Face it: She's not fine! And it's your fault!

When a Girl stares at you ... she is wondering why you are lying.

why she never noticed that long hair growing out of your nose. And she's still worried about the spinach between your teeth.

When a Girl lays on your chest ... she is wishing for you to be hers forever.

she is really exhausted. Go get her a pillow! Then take a hint and leave!

When a Girl wants to see you everyday... she wants to be pampered.

has a lot of free time.

When a Girl says ' I love you ' ... she means it.

even though according to the rest of this e-mail she doesn't plainly tell you anything else she means.

When a Girl says ' I miss you ' ... no one in this world can miss you more than that.

Except maybe your Dog. Or another Girl.

Life only comes around once make sure u spend it with the right person....

preferably someone who can spell the word "you".

Find a Guy .. who calls you beautiful instead of hot.

Unless you live in Arizona and you really are hot because the temperature is over 110 degrees. Then, if he calls you beautiful when you're all gross and sweaty, he's probably a liar.

Who calls you back when you hang up on him.

Because it would be completely unreasonable for him to expect someone who cares for him to be polite on the phone, right?

Wait for the guy who ... kisses your forehead.

Then, help him buy some eyeglasses so he doesn't miss next time.

Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.

That will show he's really sensitive to your feelings. You really want the world to see you in your sweats, right?

Who holds your hand in front of his friends.

Because he's afraid you'll hold hands with one of his friends?

Who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.

It is good to be appreciated.

Who turns to his friends and says, ' That's her!! '

"That's the girl that hung up on me! (And she keeps staring at my teeth!)

If you open this you have to repost it, guy or girl, or you will have bad luck for the rest of your life!!!!!

But no pressure.

If I don't get this back I guess your not my friend. If you have a lot of love for someone. copy and send this to your whole list. In 5 minutes your true love will call or message you.

How could it not work?

Tonight at midnight your true love will realize they like you. (Too bad, because before midnight, your true love thought they loved you. And what's with "they"? Does he have a split personality? Do you have multiple true loves? Shouldn't you sort this out before you're laying your head on his [excuse me, I mean "their"] chest [chests?]) Something good will happen to you at approx. 1:42pm (approximately!) tomorrow, it could be anywhere.

So get ready for the biggest shock of your life. If you break this chain, you will be cursed with relationship problems for the most important time of your life. (Again, no pressure.) send this to 15 people in 15 minutes to carry on the chain...and spare yourself the emotional stress..

No! I waited more than 15 minutes!